I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize