I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
