the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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