thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
