Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
