What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
