i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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