I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
