peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
