I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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