I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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