remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
