Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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