So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
