i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
