And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize