i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
