just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
