Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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