If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
