I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
