$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
