I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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