I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
