FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
