Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What a dumb baby whore.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
