Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
