He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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