shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
