Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think my fart just growled at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
