I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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