so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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