barbara walters just said penis...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
