VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
