My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
