This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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