I bet he comes in French.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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