does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
