Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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