Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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