"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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