K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
