I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I FOUND THE LEGS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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