I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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