he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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