She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
