dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
