Moan for me like Helen Keller
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
