I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
