I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
