I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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