i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
