Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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