somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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