you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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