Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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