There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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