Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
