i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
