I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
