I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
