i can't believe i had my finger in that
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
