So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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