Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
