Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
