I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
