That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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