You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize