So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
