The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
