And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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